The Big Book of New Irish Comedy
Mr. Tulip, from the Department of Finance’s Economic Advisory Service on Inward Planning’s Logistical Diagnostics Outward Planning Section, was rather excited. That extremely nice Mr. Spiv from Murgoyle Synergystics (Ire.) Ltd had invited him to play golf. Mr. Tulip had decided to walk to the golf course for the sake of the exercise when a black limousine with smoked glass windows drew up at the door. So as not to keep the chauffeur waiting, Mr. Tulip hurried out with his sandwiches, while Mrs. Tulip waved good-bye.
When the car reached the golf course, that nice Mr. Spiv was delighted to see Mr. Tulip and he had soon explained the rules and even provided the clubs. And so off they went.
- ‘This is great,’ said Mr. Spiv. ‘We should do this more often.’
- ‘Yes,’ said Mr. Tulip. ‘Eh, why are all those people watching us?’
- ‘Oh, don’t mind them. They’re just waiting to tee off. Just keep swinging at it. You’ll make contact in the end.’
- ‘It’s rather tricky…’
- ‘Oh, good shot, Mr. Tulip! Can I call you Humphrey? Do call me Frank.’
- ‘How far did it go? I mean the ball thing.’
- ‘Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ve plenty more in my pocket. Are you sure you haven’t played before?’
- ‘No, honestly. Is that it? Where do we go now?’
- ‘Oh, we’ll just stroll up to the green. You know, I hardly ever get a chance to play these days what with all the pressure we’re under.’
- ‘Oh, are you allowed to kick it into the hole?’
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