Texas Oil Billionaire’s Shale Gas-Powered Stratospheric Popcorn-Spouting Balloon will to Combat Global Warming!
Oil Mogul, Murt Bunkum, has announced plans to build a balloon the size of Vermont to release trillions of helium-filled popcorn flakes into the upper atmosphere every day to reflect sunlight back into space and save the world from global warming. According to the Texas billionaire philanthropist, the most important thing is that it won’t cost the American taxpayer a penny.
Speaking to reporters at his Texas ranch, also the size of Vermont, Bunkum explained that the Bunkum Balloon will be funded from a worldwide levy on plastic water containers.
- ‘Everyone uses them for fetchin’ water and stuff so it’d be fair - otherwise the rich get caught all over again for cleaning up the world.’
When reporters pointed out that the rich countries put most of the CO2 into the atmosphere in the first place, Bunkum replied:
- ‘Yeah, but that was before Global Warming!’
When asked about the environmental impact of all the popcorn, he replied.
- ‘Well, I accept that it’d be wrong to just release it all over the place. I reckon we’d have charge for it.’
- But what about countries who don’t want all the popcorn?
- But what else are they going to eat at the movies? And the Bunkum Balloon will provide a top class advertising platform for companies wanting to reach new customers in other countries - especially ones smaller than Vermont.
- But is this really the right solution?
- Well, personally I don’t believe in all this Global Warming stuff. It’s only because some of my shareholders in the Bunkum Oil Corporation were concerned about polar bears drowning and people getting their villages washed away in poor countries like Europe. They said, ‘Mort, we gotta do something about it.’
- ‘I said it’s just a load of hot air but then even my kids started at me: "What if it gets too hot to live in Texas? We can’t all fit in Alaska!"
- I still couldn't see the problem. We can buy Canada, can’t we? And what if it’s all just a hoax? We could end up saving polar bears and good stuff like that and all for nothing!’
- ‘I just wasn't convinced but it was my wife that persuaded me in the end. I can’t think of a lady on this planet more concerned for doing things right. After church one Sunday she said to me, “Mort, I think that there really could be something in this global warming thing.”
- ‘What?’ I said.
- ‘MONEY!!!’
- ‘And, you know, that woman is never wrong!’
The human race needs to limit warming to 2 degrees C by the end of this century to avoid disastrous climate change. At present we are heading for a 4.2 degrees C warming. Government pledges will only reduce that to a 3.1 degrees. It’s not enough.
* What we can all do to lead the way:
* Use more fuel-efficient transport.
* Insulate to reduce fuel use.
* Fly less.
* Recycle.
* Invest savings (if you have any!) in climate-friendly companies.
* Urge politicians to act on the issue.
* Urge your friends to do likewise.
Speaking to reporters at his Texas ranch, also the size of Vermont, Bunkum explained that the Bunkum Balloon will be funded from a worldwide levy on plastic water containers.
- ‘Everyone uses them for fetchin’ water and stuff so it’d be fair - otherwise the rich get caught all over again for cleaning up the world.’
When reporters pointed out that the rich countries put most of the CO2 into the atmosphere in the first place, Bunkum replied:
- ‘Yeah, but that was before Global Warming!’
When asked about the environmental impact of all the popcorn, he replied.
- ‘Well, I accept that it’d be wrong to just release it all over the place. I reckon we’d have charge for it.’
- But what about countries who don’t want all the popcorn?
- But what else are they going to eat at the movies? And the Bunkum Balloon will provide a top class advertising platform for companies wanting to reach new customers in other countries - especially ones smaller than Vermont.
- But is this really the right solution?
- Well, personally I don’t believe in all this Global Warming stuff. It’s only because some of my shareholders in the Bunkum Oil Corporation were concerned about polar bears drowning and people getting their villages washed away in poor countries like Europe. They said, ‘Mort, we gotta do something about it.’
- ‘I said it’s just a load of hot air but then even my kids started at me: "What if it gets too hot to live in Texas? We can’t all fit in Alaska!"
- I still couldn't see the problem. We can buy Canada, can’t we? And what if it’s all just a hoax? We could end up saving polar bears and good stuff like that and all for nothing!’
- ‘I just wasn't convinced but it was my wife that persuaded me in the end. I can’t think of a lady on this planet more concerned for doing things right. After church one Sunday she said to me, “Mort, I think that there really could be something in this global warming thing.”
- ‘What?’ I said.
- ‘MONEY!!!’
- ‘And, you know, that woman is never wrong!’
The human race needs to limit warming to 2 degrees C by the end of this century to avoid disastrous climate change. At present we are heading for a 4.2 degrees C warming. Government pledges will only reduce that to a 3.1 degrees. It’s not enough.
* What we can all do to lead the way:
* Use more fuel-efficient transport.
* Insulate to reduce fuel use.
* Fly less.
* Recycle.
* Invest savings (if you have any!) in climate-friendly companies.
* Urge politicians to act on the issue.
* Urge your friends to do likewise.
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